I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
