shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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