lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
