My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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