Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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