this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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