i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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