I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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