I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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