I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
