Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
