you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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