And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
