if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
