i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
