dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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