My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
