he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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