you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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