Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
