her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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