wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
