either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
