hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
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