matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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