that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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