He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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