Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
