Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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