im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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