apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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