What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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