The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
