How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
