census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
