Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
