I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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