4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
