He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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