Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
