im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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