you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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