I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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