He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
