She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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