What a fucking waste of an outfit
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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