dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
