Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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