spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
