I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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