Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
