OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
