Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
