I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
