I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
