he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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